Netflix, We Need To Know About Harry's DNA

Really, all of monarchic DNA. Sequence the cretins and be done with it

There are lots of ways of parsing the Harry and Meghan series on Netflix, though I spent much of it holding my phone up to the screen and squinting at photos of Harry’s purported father. Is Harry Major Hewitt’s boy? Or isn’t he? Is he? Or isn’t he? This “who’s your daddy” question hovers over the series, threatening to smother it.

If he isn’t Hewitt’s boy, why not prove it and show that he is a true heir — noble and with the octoroon (plausibly CIA) American wife?

If he is Hewitt’s boy, how interesting is that! This man who was raised a prince who isn’t! What does it mean that he went through all that royal training?

Either outcome presents for terribly fascinating questions about nature and nurture, royalty and commoner life … which is precisely why it cannot be shown on Netflix.

It then occurred to me that I am investor in genetics companies and that those genetics companies could surely settle the question once and for all — as it could, no doubt, do for other disputed questions of parentage. Hmmm… No I haven’t gone full Maury Povich on you, dear reader, but surely Harry must wonder himself and if he is actually Hewitt’s son. (That is, if he doesn’t know already.) With the latest technology readily on offer, it sure would be interesting to find out.

William and King Charles, Harry and Major James Hewitt

I watched Harry and Meghan the other night and I must say, I found it terribly interesting though perhaps not in the way you’d expect.

No, I’m not some secret Anglophile. That matter was settled decisively when my ancestors took up arms against the Crown, thank you very much. (The Crown, on Netflix, though, I have all the time in the world.)

The old country has a lot of charms but it’s nowhere near as lovely as say, Montecito, where Harry and Meghan have decamped to live the life of Riley. Did I mention that they met on Instagram? Now they are retired in their forties. Ah yes, Santa Barbara, the country where young and old alike go to retire, and where the Gram is ever present. If Sloth and Vanity had a love child she would live in Montecito.

Apparently living in Tyler Perry’s Beverly Hills home was too much for them. Like Oprah, who didn’t recruit Perry and is not at all connected with U.S. intelligence, so too is Netflix not at all a front for the CIA.

Devoted as I am to much Mr. Perry’s oeuvre — Madea, c’est moi! — I can’t help but wonder if Perry, who was raised believing his own father was another man, might be living vicariously through young Harry. Perhaps Perry surreptitiously collected a strand of Harry’s wonderful mane of ginger hair? Who knows? A fellow redhead can hope…

Kind of makes you think twice about who the real monarchy is, doesn’t it?

I take it as part of a larger project currently under way — the completion of the American Revolution — when just as in the Bible, the last shall be first and the first shall be last. The death of the Queen presents the opportunity we need to take the reins and decide the fate of AUKUS — the fate of the English-speaking people.

Monarchy, like oligarchy, is on the wane. Whether that be the Russian visiting German prince Heinrich XIII plotting Day X shenanigans coup, or the pressure campaign against the Dutch King, or the not so regal way in which Musk has bred with lots of different women, there are, of course, other sorts of monarchy. Might Native American tribal sovereignty — and attendant claims of the federal fisc (and therefore fraud)— be a form of regal power too?

We know that “no humans are born with saddles on their backs and others with boots and spurs, ready to ride them,” as Jefferson would have it.

The arguments for monarchy has always been that they have the good stuff — that German blood as Trump once famously put it.

OK, well, let’s see about that.

Prove it. Provide that genetics. Let’s see if you’ve got the good stuff.

Spit in that cup. And let’s run the machines.

What do you have to fear? Aren’t you pro-science?

And once we’ve done Harry and Meghan, we can do the real royalty. Surely Netflix, having doled out to Obama’s production campaign, can arrange it?

Barack Obama and Frank Marshall Davis