"Persevere and Become": When It All Falls Apart, When It All Comes Together
The process is the punishment but it is also the salvation
It has dawned on me that I’m going to win.
We are not yet at the end but we are certainly not at the beginning. As with any undertaking it is time to endure. Or, in the words, in the words of the local coffee shop, Pax and Beneficia, where I am regular despite not living in Fort Worth (ha!), “Persevere and Become.”
Yes sir, I am going to win and you’re going to want to be a part of that. You read it here, first, after all. Sometimes years before it was public. Often alone. Usually at great peril. I did it anyway, and I would do it all again. (I suspect I might be a touch nicer, mostly because I want to be a good person.)
Though, to be honest, I’m actively considering banning emails who read every post but don’t contribute anything. Not everyone can contribute financially but you can send a note or share a post. Passive consumers are terribly bovine. It feels a lot like you are voyeuristically enjoying my mind and my travels without actually contributing anything back. A man or woman who takes without joining in is deserving of contempt. But I forgive you all, just the same.
Now I’m terribly grateful for all of you who have contributed to this effort. Those of you who have not, well, shame on you. I learned, rather hilariously, at my deposition the other day that Will Thompson, the attorney for Hal Lambert Elon Musk, is a reader. Musk’s law firm — DLA Piper — apparently doesn’t have the cash to spring for a full subscription. More on that deposition in a moment, but I have to say it was cathartic to talk about all this stuff. Do you like magic tricks? Buy a ticket to the show. I promise it’ll be worth the wait.
You should watch The Prestige but more importantly, read the book by Christopher Priest. It has one of my favorite quotes:
“I planned to waste away and die, but there is a spirit of life, even in one such as myself, that stands in the way of such decisions. I thought that if I did not eat and drink then death would simply follow, but in practice I found that thirst becomes such a frantic obsession that it takes a greater resolve than mine to resist it. Every time I took a few drops to slake it, I postponed my demise a little more. The same was true with food. Hunger is a monster. After a while I came to an accommodation with this and stayed alive, a pathetic denizen of a half-world that was as much of my own making as it had been of Borden’s, or so I came to believe. I went through the winter in this miserable state, a failure even at self-destruction.”
So no, I’m not self-destructing. I haven’t even begun to stand up first for my self and later for others. This is my life’s work and I intend to do it as long as there is breath in my body and well, I intend to teach others to carry it on after I am long turned to ash. Yes, I will keep on going.
Waiting, it seems, is the order of the day, and I am trapped here, as I bleed out financially from a lawsuit backed by none other than the Richest Man in the World. I’m being summoned back to court on Thursday. Will the court appoint a receiver to comb through all my assets? Beats me. I think not but who knows, really.
My friends, my family are all waiting too, to see if I’ll slip up. Some of them even think I am like the schizophrenic homeless who dot the park outside the courthouse who have become my friend.
If I were a normal person I would not find myself but then many of the companies I have backed would not exist.
No one is coming to rescue me, or are they? I don’t know, I can’t tell. My friends have grown quiet but then they would, wouldn’t they?
To be honest with you, the whole thing smacks of high stakes game of Texas Hold ‘Em. Lambert and I used to play a bit of that — in New York, Vegas, and, if I recall correctly, the Lone Star State itself. In every head to head match up, I took it down.
Thiel once said that Musk would always win every poker game. “You don’t bet against Elon,” he’s said. Maybe, but I think Thiel was running Musk before he slipped the mind control that Thiel had on him, and just went full on crazy. Drugs will do that to you.
Thiel sold his position in NVIDIA and most of it in Tesla. Is this the top? It makes you wonder.
Musk, like Thiel, is something of a fraud and the American system will ultimately force both to be turned into a foundation not unlike the Ford or Rockefeller Foundations.
They know I know that so I’m here to ease that along.
I’m here also because I exposed how Elon Musk had brought on Igor Kurganov, a Russian poker player backed by the Triads, to his $230B charity. I wrote about that at the time.
The FBI got involved, and so Musk sued me to try to learn what the Feds know about all the criminal stuff he got up into, and I ain’t telling because well, I told the Feds I wouldn’t and even though the Feds don’t really have my back, I’ll keep my word.
There are many who say this makes me a chump and maybe it does, but when I win this thing, I might become a legend, and well, isn’t this what it’s all really about?
Is the Son of the American Revolution going to best the apartheid-born oligarch with his drunk driving front?
I’ve come down to Texas to find out. In a contest of wills, you will not find me lacking. In fact, I welcome the chance to test myself in yet another arena of American ambition.
The process is the punishment — of course — but it is also the salvation. Eventually the Truth escapes and makes itself known
If I have to go to jail, well, I have to go to jail.
*****
So greetings from downtown Fort Worth, which is altogether buzzy place at 4:30 AM. I made the mistake of doling out water bottles to the homeless and now they have come to expect it. I have paid for it myself, mostly, or actually, many of you who subscribe here have paid for it.
They killed Epstein in jail because he spent his life around beautiful women and rich people. If they kill me in jail let the last people I talk to be my fellow homeless.
The local residents of Fort Worth are happy to take pictures of the “bums” and criticize them for their plight so when I gave them waters and conversation, well, you can imagine how surprising that was for so many of them to be treated as a human being.
Now it shouldn’t fall to be me to make sure that the homeless are hydrated in downtown Fort Worth — that’s the duty of the Fort Worth residents — but they weren’t getting it done and, after asking if I could take the waters from the deposition room, I went and handed out four waters to homeless people. For that I was accused of “stealing court property.” Which is rather incredible. Perhaps I should be immediately given the death penalty. This is Texas, right?
Mind you, I didn’t get paid for spending a whole day at the court house — every other person in that room did —
Worse yet, I got accused of stealing a mug from the court.
Typically people who steal things don’t ask permission before they take them. They also don’t take pictures of themselves drinking out of those things that they’ve “stolen” nor do they wash them before returning them.
Nor do they donate a variety of tea bags — with gluten free and caffeine free options — so that someone might have health options in the future.
What’s really shocking is that Styrofoam cups are in the deposition room in the first place! To say nothing of the “snack bar” that had nothing but unhealthy options. Nothing but cancer-causing “food” options. No thanks!
Microwave-safe options are preferable and when I become President I will sign an executive order demanding safe and healthy options be available in every federal government Day 1.
And why was a mug from the Tarrant County Bar Association “Made in China”? How we do the small things is how we do everything…
Yeah, I don’t want to have “representation” from a bar association that would pay for a product made in a country that touts slave labor.
Whatever happened to America First? I’m not perfect — I’m typing this on an Apple, for goodness sake, but that’s quite telling isn’t it?
****
I suppose, in a real sense, that this is a fitting place for my travails to come full circle.
It was here not so long ago that my father and I met with Hal Lambert at Cattleman’s Steakhouse — before Taylor Sheridan revived it — and my father let me know that he thought that that man was going to cheat me. I paid the tab, of course.
It was here not so long ago that I learned that I was to be investigated — wrongly — for my participation in the Russia collusion narrative, my participation in which is still classified to this day. All of that was not so long ago but it was an eternity from this moment now. A life can contain many bits and every second of it can contain something approximating the universe. I don’t mean to sound like a fortune cookie but it’s true.
I spend an evening with the “Cocaine Cowboy” who once upon a time alerted me that I was being investigated. He and Steve Bannon worked together on the 2016 campaign and well, I am still paying for that. Bannon made up a bunch of things about me, which of course he would, but I suppose that’s fair because he made up a bunch of things about himself.
Isn’t it intriguing that the last person to talk to Epstein before he was arrested by the FBI was none other than Steve Bannon?
My theory of the case isn’t terribly sophisticated: Jeffrey Epstein put Steve Bannon on the payroll and the two of them strategized about how to take down Trump.
It must have galled both men that Trump, who neither respects, bested both of them, and you could easily see that Bannon and Epstein were informing on him to the Special Counsel.
Anyway, back to Fort Worth there’s a horse cutting competition so everyone is in town. Horse cutting is a fitting metaphor. The horse and the rider try to cut the cow from the herd. Everything is timed. There’s more wealth here than all but a handful of other arenas of American ambition. People come from all over the world to talk about horses, and well, everything else.
It was here, not so long ago that I met Rex Tillerson and his life wife Renda, who told me in no uncertain terms that Israel in general and Jared Kushner in particular was going to get theirs in the final analysis. This was years before Gaza, mind you.
I am not a horse guy and they know that but I’m invited to the moveable feast all the same. Of course I got stuck with at least part of the bill but then don’t I always? The heaviest bills aren’t paid in cash and they fall like lightning. You never get paid back, do you?
Well, that’s not totally true. A friend was even so kind as to get me a plane ticket here and back — that is, before the judge in this case forced me to come back and to stay another night.
I wrote in my diary before the Monday hearing.
I am supposed to sit for a deposition tomorrow to determine my assets as part of a post-discovery proctology exam.
Of course such a deposition will be leaked against me — that’s the point of it — and I’m supposed to be a good boy while I sit and have a drunk and his oligarch backer lie about me. This is how I show respect for what is fundamentally a rather corrupt process. I shouldn’t even have to be here but here I am all the same. I think that’s how it goes, really.
Most likely they’ll take a videotape of me and then proceed to harass me until I made some perceived error that they hope they can interest some U.S. Attorney into using to indict me on trumped up perjury charges.
This is what the American legal system has become in recent years — an exercise of the powerful harassing the less powerful.
Maybe this is how it always was.
I have often enjoyed binaries in how things operate. Either A or B. Yes or No. On or off. In or out. “To be or not to be.” She says yes or she says no. Either A or B will happen.
Real life seldom affords those binaries, which I suppose is why it’s so seductive.
So will I go to jail or not?
If I do, then I am meant to be in jail. And I shall do as my hero Edmond Dantes did and face it with courage. I shall play the “part of an honest man, full of courage and real regard.’
Do not do anything but peacefully protest.
Go and read the Gospel with someone who needs to hear it.
Well, there’s something deeply funny about all this and I am getting in trouble for finding the humor in it.
The wheel of sharp weapons means that no one can attack you without attacking themselves. Lambert lies about me on the day that I drove him home when he was too drunk. And then gets busted drunk driving.
The very people most likely to be hurt by Lambert’s drunkenness — and Musk’s criminally fraudulent self-driving cars — are these homeless people.
That is precisely why I am in fellowship with them.
Wish me luck tomorrow, my dear friends. And thank you for everything.
I will subscribe again once I am financially better off Chuck.
V nearly up to date with you… I wish you nothing but the best against evil but yet strangely incompetent adversaries.