Chris Christie and the Backroom Deals Needed to Save the Planet
Finally a Fed who can cut a deal
There are two ways of looking at the Chris Christie stat from his having never lost a case as U.S. Attorney.
Maybe he should have tried harder cases? Or maybe, just maybe, I suspect that there were a lot of backroom deals that just got handled by Christie. Christie was, after all, taught by the very best — New Jersey royalty Governor Tom Kean. Think the New Jersey deep state’s adopted son.
As Christie himself once put it, it’s the Department of Justice, not the Department of Prosecutions. Now that is an interesting turn of phrase. Did you catch it? I did.
That toss away line was an offer that the GOP — with all its Chinese, Israeli, and Russian ties — can’t refuse. Big Boy Chris Christie, ladies and gentlemen, is the sort of fed with which the white collar criminals can cut a deal. Raison d’état means a lot of people’s sins get forgiven. America is the land of second chances, dontchaknow. And there’s no better place than New Jersey to negotiate that kind of deal.
Oh don’t act so high and mighty. There was a lot of cartel cash going into natural gas — the late fracking billionaire Aubrey McClendon comes to mind — and if you look too closely at Elon you’ll see a lot of organized crime ties there too, especially when you look at his mother or brother. What if Elon is just the patsy?
In fact you’ll see a lot of it all throughout the history of Silicon Valley or technological progress generally. You might even notice more than a little mob cash winding up in satellite or wind farm deals. We can figure it out later who gets paid what—or at all. Take it from me as a son of Boston. The mobster you know from across the street is better than the one in Riyadh, Shanghai or Moscow.
Did anyone else find it super interesting that mobster, private raider and ultimately patriot T. Boone Pickens died on September 11th? As Texas struggles with its heatwave it may well have the very complicated oilman turned environmentalist — it’s amazing what the Deep State can do — Pickens to thank for keeping the grid up. Texas achieved this miracle not withstanding all the efforts to criminalize ESG investing. Texas’s legislature — if it can be called that — did pattern that anti-ESG legislation on the anti-BDS, anti-free speech legislation.
If you can’t talk honestly about Israel, you can’t talk honestly about climate change and it’s not a coincidence that the very Chisraeli billionaire Barre Seid is among the biggest donors to the American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC) and the Federalist Society’s Leonard Leo. This is a coup. We need to understand that it was many years in the making and it nearly succeeded.
We’re prepared to look the other way on all that nonsense — at least a lot of it — if you’re ready to be patriotic.
Alas we won’t get there on the energy transition unless the whole world is engaged and yes, that does include what I’ve elsewhere called the Patriotic Mob. Who better than the son of a Sicilian woman to make that sort of thing happen?
You see, the thing is, that a lot of mobsters weren’t too happy about the Chinese-Israeli takeover of their hustles. They want to make the mob if not American again than certainly Italian. As we all know, the biggest lie is that the mob went away. The second biggest lie is that the Italian mobsters tolerate the Russians running kids or the Chisraelis processing them.
Christie now lives on the beach — on Bay Head. He’s right on the front lines of the impending climate crisis. He knows that things are getting weird in the Garden State.
He’s done his part as a lobbyist — as a Deep State fixer — to be sure. Christie has been more engaged in a more essential deal of limiting the power of the Las Vegas mob by making the sports betting world legible. Now I’m against sports betting but even I have to appreciate how Christie made what was hitherto a quiet world that much more visible.
Christie was out and about dealing with the 1MBD scandal. Who better than Big Boy —as George W. Bush once called him — forcing Goldman Sachs to fork over the cash that we need to save the Malaysian rainforest? “Don’t make me do you like I did Corzine,” you can imagine Christie saying.
Over the years Christie had all kinds of weird deals with the Koch brothers who seemingly wanted to stop the wind farms Governor Murphy is now building. It’s time to fuck the Kochs and their oil lobby now, Chris. I know you’ve wanted it. Hell, I’ve wanted it. It’s time. I understand why you can’t talk too loudly about this but know that I know you’re thinking it.
So, too, for all the pill mill barons. It’s time to take their money and use it to cheaply genetically sequence the population. Just take it, Chris. You know you want to.
Congratulations on winning a seat on the debate stage, Governor Christie, but to be president you’ll have to do a bit better than giving all the reasons Donald Trump and Joe Biden shouldn’t return to the White House in January 2025.
You’ll have to offer a vision — one that’s charismatic and appealing to the voters and one that’s acknowledged by the criminal class.
“I’ll give all the criminals a chance to do the right thing” doesn't quite have the ring to it that “Make America Great Again” or “Build Back Better” does but it may just yet be a winning coalition.
That is, if the master — octogenarian Joe Biden — stumbles. President Joe Biden knows well that a lot of drug money goes into the pharmaceutical industry and there’s lots of cartel cash going into the construction industry. As it has been, as it may always be. Delaware — from whence he hails — has been all about turning dodgy money into corporations. Biden deserves his reelection if only because his vision of America is masterly in every respect. Here’s a man with a plan and you don’t need to trust it to see its evidence all around you.
Now it does seem a bit mad to bet on the heart beat of an eighty-year-old and it’s a long road from here to November 2024 or January 2025.
Governor Chris Christie is our insurance policy in a world where insurance is expensive indeed. And yet the storm is here.
The fight has begun. We need him in the arena. We need him bulking up for the fight that is to come. You’ll know he’s not serious when he starts taking the Ozempic.
No, we need Big Boy throwing his weight around on behalf of Uncle Sam.